The Best Day of My Life

It was the worst day of my life when I abandoned you

 

I am 16 years old.

I am sitting next to him but I wish that I was across from him,

Because then we could admit that

This discussion is really an intervention, me asking the questions and him,

With nothing but an ultimatum.

How did we get here?

Friends who sit in class and share sandwiches

Making jokes that no one else seems to get

Or running across the train tracks in the dark,

Knowing the chances of a train coming are so slim

But hey, if it does, I’ll make sure you make it safely to the other side

 

To the other side. Would it really be so bad?

Yes.

I can’t go on much longer,

You have to try

I have nothing left to live for; I want to kill myself

Please don’t. I won’t let you

Over and over like a vinyl record all scratched and bent

But we play it anyway. Until the words we are singing no longer have meaning

And he has memorized every note. He knows my lines by heart

He corrects me when I get them wrong

And I am so tired, of being those lines

That one miniscule little thread

That is keeping him here.

 

It was the worst day of my life when I abandoned you

 

The bruises on his face grew like flowers in bloom,

Day by day, slowly his body was becoming

A garden of blue and yellow

When I finally uprooted him and replanted him

Next to me, I thought he would grow big and strong

But I was wrong.

I am not a nurse

I have no medical training at all

But I lived my life in the emergency room

I spent every minute of every day worrying

Thinking of new ways to save you

My pager constantly going off

Telling me it was time to give you your medicine

Your prescription of me

But there is only so much of myself that I can give before I am empty

 

It was the worst day of my life when I abandoned you

 

Time can be so slow when it wants to be

Every day feels longer than the one before

Every time we play that broken record

Would it really be so bad?

Yes.

I can’t go on much longer,

You have to try

I have nothing left to live for; I want to kill myself

Please don’t. I won’t let you do that.

 

 

I can’t go on much longer,

You have to try

I have nothing left to live for; I want to kill myself

Then do.

Because every day that you don’t

The blood on my hands turns thicker

The hole in my chest grows wider

And I see no way out

Because I keep trying and trying to make you better

But the cure is not inside of me it is inside

Of you

 

I am 18 years old.

There is a girl I often see in the mirror

She looks like me

But I do not know her

 

It was the worst day of my life when I abandoned you

But I promise to give you everything I have now

These bruises and scars will heal. This pain will heal.

You are going to live

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